Intentional Fasting: Unintentional Pain

 

Brad Blackwell

 

Motivation

 

     One Saturday morning, it was announced at the youth group at my church that we would be fasting for Jesus for 24 hours. (If He could die on the cross to give us eternal salvation, then we could at least sacrifice food for a day for Him, right?) We were to go home for the day, then return for a sleep-over at the church that night, and finally have a great meal after the service the following morning to celebrate our sacrifice. I was excited as I explained this to my grandmother, who was caring for me while my parents were out of town that weekend. But she was more concerned about the health of this child she was responsible for. She finally agreed to allow me to participate in the fast … so long as I drank a large glass of  milk before returning that evening.  Back at church, I was asked if I’d eaten anything, and I proudly explained that I’d only had a glass of milk. But apparently that was not acceptable. I was told that I’d failed the test. They made me feel selfish for not being able to sacrifice anything for our Savior, and sent me home. At the time, I think I was more upset that I wouldn’t be able to participate with my friends in the group than I was at failing my commitment to Jesus.   Looking back at this now as an adult, I’m both annoyed at their forcing that guilt on a young child (who had been obeying his grandmother), and at the failure of the youth directors for not making the instructions clearer.

 

Let the Fasting Exercise Begin!

 

I finished my dinner at 5:10 pm, and finished the second of two glasses of water at 5:20 pm. I’d thought that the hardest part of this fast would be the food, but I hadn’t realized how much water I drink. I usually have a glass of ice water beside me at home, and I have a spot at work where I keep my personal glass of water hidden behind the coffee machine. Being surrounded by food all night actually wasn’t a temptation; after working at this restaurant for almost three years now, their cuisine is no longer appetizing.

 

Surprise!

 

About four hours into my fast, this experience took an interesting turn: I developed a headache. I get these fairly often, and I call them “caffeine headaches” because if I’m not at home (where I can easily take a couple Ibuprofen pills) then I’ll just drink a tall glass of Dr Pepper to get rid of them. But I’d given up all food AND drink for this exercise … so that meant I was just going to ride this one out.   The headache wasn’t a throbbing one, but a dull pressure that remained constant. I was also tired

from being up early that morning to take my father to have his outpatient carpal-tunnel surgery. (If it wasn’t for the needles, I definitely would have preferred taking some of those anesthetics for this exercise over subjecting myself to hunger, thirst, and pain.) I thought about how frustrated some practitioners must have felt after beginning their altered states journey. I thought about how some may have wished they could quit, but that the shame - and the shame or even a penalty their family would receive - kept them on their path.  But I hadn’t announced that I would be doing this project. I actually hadn’t told anyone! “I could quit now,” I thought, and no one would know. But for me, this wasn’t about passing a test or completing an exercise,

an initiation or a rite of passage. I realized that this was about finishing something I’d started back when I was a child at that youth group - an experience I‘d long forgotten until now. And it wasn’t for Jesus; I was doing this for me. I wondered about others who had gone on their journey neither to satisfy their society’s customs, nor for a deity, but solely for themselves.

 

     A couple hours into my headache, I felt like I was swimming or floating through the restaurant. I’ve had this feeling before, where everything around me seems a little out-of-sync with my movements. I understood this to be merely a sensation caused by my headache. I thought about how my being a skeptic is preventing me from imagining that I’m going on a metaphysical journey. I wondered about those who might interpret such a headache as their actually becoming out-of-sync with reality. And I wondered if they ever worried about slipping further away and not being able to join back with reality. I also wondered about

those who didn’t have access to medicine or other remedies for headaches; those who were condemned to experience each and every headache until it finally passed. I also wondered about those who, for religious reasons,  intentionally abstain from taking pain medications that could otherwise allow them to avoid this. I wondered if their abstention from medicine is rooted in forcing them to fully experience these common life pains.

 

    I found myself getting easily irritated as I was expected to do multiple things at once, as well as each time I was interrupted. (Conducting exercises like this often wouldn’t be conducive to keeping one’s job!) After nine hours, I was back at home. I wanted to try to imagine floating out of my body on my magical headache carpet, but unfortunately I fell asleep immediately.  

 The next morning, I woke up without a headache. I was also neither hungry nor thirsty. My wife told me how my father had asked her about the person he imagined seeing at her computer. Even after she explained that there was no one there, he stopped as he was walking by and waved to the ghost computer technician. I again wished I could have taken some of those amazing painkillers they sent him home with (though I’m not sure what combination of his other medication I’d need to get the desired result). I also realized that I would need someone to assist me by witnessing and documenting the experience, otherwise I wouldn’t know whether the things, people, and events I perceived were real or imagined.    Aside from some minor hunger grumbling around 2 pm, I didn’t feel any effects from my fast that afternoon. I thought about how 24 hours was obviously not long enough to put someone into an altered state. And I thought about how ‘fortunate’ I was to have had my headache the day before.   I did start to feel a minor headache about an hour before the end, but it was nothing compared to the pressure in my head I felt at work the night before. I laid in bed again and tried to imagine myself floating out of my body, but I wasn’t successful. I looked at the clock at 5:23 pm, got up, and rewarded myself with a refreshing glass of ice water.

 

Final Thoughts

 

I suspect that people seek altered states for a number of reasons. I consider prayer - especially repetition of a short, memorized prayer - to be a form of meditation that comforts people. I also suspect that many believe they can find answers through an altered state, even if the answers they find are really just their imagination confirming what they’d already wanted to hear. They may also seek the pleasure from endorphins that can be released by activities they engage in while seeking that altered state.